Can We Break These Myths About Introverts Already?
If you believe in the zodiac, I’m supposed to be some manifestation of a lion. I’m an August-born proud Leo.
While there will be a small bunch of people who can attest to hearing my feisty roar, for the most part, my roar is different. It’s written (more often than said) in invisible ink, you will only find it if you shine the right light on it. You see, I’m an introvert.
Last year, I wrote an article about my journey as an introvert. In it, I spoke about the hardships I’ve had to face because people around me didn’t get that I’m wired a certain way. It’s gone up on four publications since and till date is my most widely accredited work. It’s not my best piece of writing, it’s just the most relatable.
At some point when the responses came flooding in, I sat myself down and asked that inevitable question, why?
After hearing people out and doing my own research, I now know the answer to that question. Introverts are misunderstood and misinterpreted a lot. We don’t have enough people who voice out what it’s like to be an introvert and who distinguish that from the rest of our personality.
So I put down a list of things that cannot be attributed to us by default because we are introverts. An introvert may be many of these things, but not all introverts are. Which is to say, a person is not these because they are an introvert. Some of the points also talk about me as a person which not all introverts will relate to.
With that cursory disclaimer covered, let’s move to the list.
1. We are not shy
I’ve always been irked by people calling me shy. Growing up, people called me shy a lot. I never was. I don’t feel timid around people. I do feel uncomfortable around new people but that is a different feeling. Being nervous and being shy is not the same.
I feel nervous before an exam. I also feel nervous before a date. I don’t feel shy on either occasion. So let’s set that record straight.
2. We are not soft or quiet
I’m loud. People have heard my excited opinions and ricocheting laughter from across halls and roads. My volume is anything but low.
I don’t talk at every opportunity I get, though. I don’t talk unless I have something to say. I’d rather be unnoticed than noticed without having much to say. When I do have something to say, I say it. As loud as I want to, as often as I have to.
3. We are not ‘sober people’
While we may or may not be literally sober, I assure you that being an introvert does not by virtue of itself make anyone a dull dud. We will probably not be the life of the party on most given days, but that hardly takes away from the wide range of crazy that we still might be.
My wild reads to the world as weird. That’s my brand of crazy. I talk to myself. Have inside jokes with myself. Dance when I am not supposed to. Laugh when I am not supposed to. Sing pretty loud when my phone dies and I can’t do long walks without background music. And on great days when I’m feeling it, I’m your party. I can bring the energy, the noise, the music and the alcohol. That’s not every day, but what is?
4. We do not hate people
I hate spending all my time around people. I don’t hate people. I simply need a good amount of time to myself to recharge. When I’m done spending time with myself, I look for others. If being with someone makes me feel like I’m sacrificing time that I wanted to be alone, I get agitated. That is an introvert. We’re naturally comfortable on our own, probably more so than we ever will be around others.
5. We have more than 2 friends
We can have many friends. Probably less than an extrovert would, but that does not mean that we don’t enjoy good company or form many great relations.
It is also a myth that if an introvert selects you, we give you our all. This is not always true. Being picky about our people does not mean we give them everything. Although there is a likelihood of a person with fewer friends giving more to the people in their lives, this is not always the case. Said introvert could be more invested in their work, their partner, other friends, or maybe just is not a person who invests a lot in anything or anyone. This is not an absolute.
6. We don’t want to become extroverts
Let’s get this right, there is nothing wrong with extroverts. I love (many of) them. They are usually always up for plans and bring wonderful energy and a strong presence to a space they fill. I admire their ability to hold conversations with almost anyone and to give so much of themselves to people. They are probably the glue that holds this world filled with introverts together. But I don’t want to become them simply because that isn’t who I am.
No one wants to change who they naturally are. It’s only when we feel as though we don’t fit in anywhere that we begin to think we need to change.
Hold space for an introvert, for anyone really, to be themselves and watch what they can blossom into. The unique magic a person has within them presents itself when they move at their most authentic.
7. We can lead
I’m not the best leader. I have trouble being assertive and cutthroat honest. I’m not a follower either. I’m more of a walk my own path and walk it myself kind of person. So I can completely understand why I don’t come to mind when people look for someone to lead.
But at some point in life, if you’ve been around long enough at one place, you’ll have to lead something. That’s how I know I can lead. I enjoy being a guide when I have the knowledge to share. I enjoy heading a team when I have a vision and am deeply driven by it. I’m passionate, sincere, considerate, empathetic, and genuinely care for those who work with me.
I may not have a 100% of the skills required to be a top-class leader, but I understand people and can pick people who have those skills. So if I need to, want to, or have to, I’ll do it and do it well.
8. We are not limited
I have it easy. I’m a content writer at my day job and a writer otherwise. Writing is an introvert’s playground! But I feel bad for Oprah Winfrey and Amy Schumer (that’s a sentence you won’t hear too often!) who are introverts just like me. They need to be in the spotlight and entertain people to earn their living. Do you think they enjoy it?
Of course, they do! That’s why they do it. In Amy Schumer’s autobiography, she talks about the first time she made a room laugh at her bat mitzvah. She says (about the incident), “I became a woman when I did, for the first time, what I was supposed to be doing for the rest of my life.”
She’s a performer and possibly the most engaging kind there is, a comedian. While a random room filled with people might not be her favourite place, she has the time of her life when she makes that room laugh.
Like everyone, we present ourselves in the contradictions. Don’t mistake them as limitations. We are not limited.
I’m not delusional. Not all of us are going to become Oprah Winfreys or Amy Schumers just because we are introverted. But they are proof that introversion has nothing to do with the things we can or cannot do. If one of the world’s most famous TV hosts and arguably one of the best comedians prefer to keep to themselves while they are not doing their jobs, it’s pretty obvious that we don’t have to always be talking to everyone around us to accomplish what we want to, no matter what that may be.
9. You can’t always tell an introvert apart from an extrovert
Something I hear often is “You are not an introvert, maybe an ambivert?” Which makes me go — Thank you for figuring out my personality for me, but also, no thanks!
You cannot always see introversion in a few meetings. Even if you spend a considerable amount of time around an introvert, you will sometimes miss all the cues because of the stereotypical image we have of an introvert being an awkward, asocial person who runs to the corner of a party with a book at the first chance they get. I am yet to see someone at a party reading a book.
10. You have to take our word for it
While looking for cues, here’s the most basic, listen to us when we say we are introverts. It’s likely that a person who is one knows full well what they are talking about.
We need large amounts of time alone. We are almost never excited at the thought of meeting a bunch of new/semi-new people. We don’t enjoy talking to a lot of people we don’t know because it drains us. We feel exhausted after a certain amount of time with people.
Is that it?
Why yes, that’s honestly it! It’s just that simple.
As for my personal contradiction, here’s how I define myself. In one of my favourite movies, Poolhall Junkies, Christopher Walken gives an interesting analogy of the lion which I’ve chosen as my Introvert-meets-Leo motto:
“He’s the king of the jungle, huge mane up to here. He’s laying under a tree in the middle of Africa. He’s so big, it’s so hot, he doesn’t want to move. Now the little lions come, start messing with him, he doesn’t do anything. The lioness starts messing with him. Still nothing. Now the other animals, they notice this. The jackals; hyenas. They’re barking at him, laughing at him. They do this and they get closer and closer, bolder and bolder. Till one day, that lion gets up and runs like the wind, eats everything in his path. Cause once in a while, the lion has to show the jackals who he is.”
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